Okay. Got my paper back, [After the stupid CP internet wouldn't work, *rabble rabble*, and stressed me out like no other], and this is what lovely Brannon said: (very helpful, although you basically do need a magnifying glass to read his handwriting...)
-Asked if every child really dreaded "the talk", and mentioned that some studies might have found that kids preferred getting the talk. I should change it to refer to the oft-poked at media version, versus an actual "reality" talk.
Mentioned that the ideas from India could be pushed further, and then commented that he was curious if I was just talking about the U.S. or the whole world, because I have sources about India and Sweden. I agree... what the studies say support my claim very well, but my paper would have to be a lot bigger and a lot more comprehensive if I were to do it for the world over. So, need to nix those in the future. (Plus I realized too late that the Sweden study was about 15 years old, so I should change that anyway.) I'll focus it more definitely on the U.S.
He did compliment my examples of misinformation that teenagers have believed. So, if it's good, I'll keep it in, and say no more about that.
I'm pushing for parents to step up and take more responsibility for teaching their own kids, and doing it early, but it's coming off as preferring to take sex ed out of schools as well. I actually didn't mean to take it out of schools, because I believe parent's teachings can be supplemented. I guess I need to alter my criticisms and add that. I'm also curious if my teacher is going to read this far down my blog. I imagine not, because I would be bored to tears if I had to read this many, but on the other hand, this could be kinda fun because I can talk about purple cows and pygmy bananas, and nobody will be any less the wiser, and frankly, probably not care. I think it's genetic, to tell the truth... my sister started writing in German in one of her papers, and her teacher never said anything about it, although he gave the impression that he read through all of the studen'ts papers. Oh well. I think if my teacher does read this she'll post some snarky comment about it, and probably laugh. She's good natured like that. But, I really won't blame her if she doesn't read it, because.... heck, these are boring. Okay, back to sex ed. Brannon also mentioned that he likes the shift to emotional reasoning near the end, and points out that if I've sufficiently swayed my audience to my thinking, it'll drive the point home. If I haven't, however, I've probably lost them for good.
I don't know if I want to change the ending, necessarily. I may take out a sentence or two that is too much "bash you over the head with my pathos and hope the imprint stays". I need to make the rest of the paper more "when" oriented instead of as much "how". I think I kinda knew that as I was writing it, but I didn't really know how to change that, so, it stayed. At least I have some changing points I can work with and mold it a bit better.
So much like art. I'm such a nut.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
RA: Analyzizizizing my own Rhetoricalness
So, seeing as this paper is due and we don't technically have a topic for our RA, I'm going to think out loud and do it for my own paper.
Many people who read my enthymeme said my audience was too broad, and I think I agree. Someone said it best when they pointed out that parents would be more swayed by pathos, and lawmakers and teachers by logos and some ethos, so your arguments will be different. That made quite a lot of sense to me, so I'm wanting to narrow the field to parents of pre-pubescent children. I say pre-pubescent, because my argument is that you need to at least consider, if not actually do so, teaching your children about sex ed yourself before they get too old, otherwise they'll get it from elsewhere.... meaning peers and the media and the like.
I also say parents, because ultimately I think it is their job to teach their own children how they think is best, in age, approach, detail, etc. The school can teach the kids, yes, but that will be some other adult's idea of what morals (or lack thereof) they should be hearing, and what your kid needs. It's also problematic to say that one approach should work for every kid in the classroom, because the kids (all 42 of them, if you're in a typical Utah classroom) are all going to be at different maturity and understanding levels.
I think I took particular interest in the topic of teaching kids early because I never had it-- "the talk". I'm sure I had snippets here and there, but I never actually knew what sex WAS until I went and looked it up myself.... when I was in college. Sure, I knew the biological names of anatomy, and I knew that it created children and was pleasurable, and a general idea, but I did not know the first thing about what it all entailed. In fact, I probably still know less than I should, but everything I knew about sex I learned from the media and other kids, and assumptions I made. That can't be healthy, or wise. I think the only reason I didn't get duped into anything was my religious upbringing, which stressed VERY strongly that sex was reserved strictly for the expression of love within marriage, and to bring children into the world. Thus, anything to do with sex or pornography or dirty jokes was pointedly shunned and ignored. Otherwise, I probably would have been a LOT more involved. So. That's my spiel. Parents need to be more responsible about making their children responsible.
Many people who read my enthymeme said my audience was too broad, and I think I agree. Someone said it best when they pointed out that parents would be more swayed by pathos, and lawmakers and teachers by logos and some ethos, so your arguments will be different. That made quite a lot of sense to me, so I'm wanting to narrow the field to parents of pre-pubescent children. I say pre-pubescent, because my argument is that you need to at least consider, if not actually do so, teaching your children about sex ed yourself before they get too old, otherwise they'll get it from elsewhere.... meaning peers and the media and the like.
I also say parents, because ultimately I think it is their job to teach their own children how they think is best, in age, approach, detail, etc. The school can teach the kids, yes, but that will be some other adult's idea of what morals (or lack thereof) they should be hearing, and what your kid needs. It's also problematic to say that one approach should work for every kid in the classroom, because the kids (all 42 of them, if you're in a typical Utah classroom) are all going to be at different maturity and understanding levels.
I think I took particular interest in the topic of teaching kids early because I never had it-- "the talk". I'm sure I had snippets here and there, but I never actually knew what sex WAS until I went and looked it up myself.... when I was in college. Sure, I knew the biological names of anatomy, and I knew that it created children and was pleasurable, and a general idea, but I did not know the first thing about what it all entailed. In fact, I probably still know less than I should, but everything I knew about sex I learned from the media and other kids, and assumptions I made. That can't be healthy, or wise. I think the only reason I didn't get duped into anything was my religious upbringing, which stressed VERY strongly that sex was reserved strictly for the expression of love within marriage, and to bring children into the world. Thus, anything to do with sex or pornography or dirty jokes was pointedly shunned and ignored. Otherwise, I probably would have been a LOT more involved. So. That's my spiel. Parents need to be more responsible about making their children responsible.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
TA: Group 3
Analysis: Group Three
So. Splitting the class into geographic groups was interesting, since it made the discussions more specific to personal experience across landscape, instead of a huge range of opinions and experiences. Granted, we still had a lot of variation within our groups (ie. we west coast people had one that taught absolutely zilch about sex ed, while another kid was taught absolutely everything.)
The discussion didn't seem to move very fast... I was losing attention. Perhaps it was just the kid's voice who was presenting, but I was quickly tempted to start daydreaming. I know that not all topics are going to be entirely intriguing, but the presentation at least can be. Anyway. Note to self: Keep it moving. Keep the pace up for all the mentally tired college students.
Also, note to self to be prepared with an actual written outline, and know what's coming next. (Goes along with keeping things moving.) I also noticed that Group 3's slides had WAY too much information packed onto them. Your audience doesn't want to read that much, and the presenters didn't even talk about most of what was on there. [Heh, come to think of it, maybe they did, but my brain was gone.] A third thing was that the other 2 guys in the group hardly said a word for half of the class period. By the time I'd scribbled that note in my notebook, they really hadn't said anything, but afterward one finally switched in. Another note to self: Also keep the presenters moving. That helps keep the pace changed up too, and switches intonation and voices.
And, finally, keep some humor. I laughed when someone said, "Why don't we have Short People History Day?"
So. Splitting the class into geographic groups was interesting, since it made the discussions more specific to personal experience across landscape, instead of a huge range of opinions and experiences. Granted, we still had a lot of variation within our groups (ie. we west coast people had one that taught absolutely zilch about sex ed, while another kid was taught absolutely everything.)
The discussion didn't seem to move very fast... I was losing attention. Perhaps it was just the kid's voice who was presenting, but I was quickly tempted to start daydreaming. I know that not all topics are going to be entirely intriguing, but the presentation at least can be. Anyway. Note to self: Keep it moving. Keep the pace up for all the mentally tired college students.
Also, note to self to be prepared with an actual written outline, and know what's coming next. (Goes along with keeping things moving.) I also noticed that Group 3's slides had WAY too much information packed onto them. Your audience doesn't want to read that much, and the presenters didn't even talk about most of what was on there. [Heh, come to think of it, maybe they did, but my brain was gone.] A third thing was that the other 2 guys in the group hardly said a word for half of the class period. By the time I'd scribbled that note in my notebook, they really hadn't said anything, but afterward one finally switched in. Another note to self: Also keep the presenters moving. That helps keep the pace changed up too, and switches intonation and voices.
And, finally, keep some humor. I laughed when someone said, "Why don't we have Short People History Day?"
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